I was struggling with what to write about. So I decided to write about what I am feeling right now. What I feel daily that people are sick of me talking about. But maybe if I get it down in words it will lose its power. Pain. After I had my knee replacement I was…
to puff or not to puff
the worst decision i have ever made (and i have made a lot of them) was to pick up a cigarette. i was working at starbucks and i wanted to fit in so bad. caffeine and drugs fueled the shop and along with that came nicotine. its a habit that over 20 years later i…
ode to atticus
i havent written in awhile. low executive dysfunction, depression, whatever. my boyfriend said to me “you havent written about atticus” and i thought to myself hes right, i havent. atticus is one of my biggest distractions. who is atticus? hes a lovable, adorable, 3 year old black cat i adopted in january. my previous feline…
its ok not to be ok
a meme came up on Facebook recently that brought up a not so good memory but I wanted to write about it because I think its an important topic. I don’t remember the exact date but I remember everything else. when I was about 20 I was diagnosed with “severe” bipolar disorder.
twenty years
once again ive failed to update in forever but hey! its the new year right? today though is a pretty special day. on january 8th of 2003 i made the decision to get sober. i was homeless, doing more drugs than one should consume, and drinking uncontrollably. my mental health was as bad as its…
pain makes you beautiful
these days i am in constant pain. my knee on my “good” leg has no cartilage. it is bone on bone. when i straighten it it pops causing extreme pain. just sitting here it hurts. i have been in so much pain today i have been sweating. when everyone is gone i cry. im in…
thoughts on a tuesday evening. its about to get real
ive always been extremely open on my blog and this post is going to follow in the same vein. I was talking to a friend over text about my crappy day. the subject of our bodies came up. im going to be honest sometimes i hate my body. it has not brought me much joy….
weight, self esteem, and disability
since my initial accident in 2015 and especially since my amputation last june i have gained a lot of weight. not walking and not being mobile has attributed to that. i try to not put myself down but in all honesty i hate how i look. i don’t look in the mirror at all. i’ve…