the worst decision i have ever made  (and i have made a lot of them)  was to pick up a cigarette. i was working at starbucks  and i wanted to fit in so bad. caffeine and drugs fueled the shop and along with that came nicotine. its a habit that over 20 years later i have yet to kick. it no longer serves as a way to be cool but as a way to calm myself down. and im addicted. my psych says to me often “quitting is easy! you have done it hundreds of times.” and he is right. the number of times i have quit is so many i have lost count. i have always thought of my brain as being broken. but recently i have started looking it as being different. not broken. sure it doesnt work the same way as other people but that doesnt mean its defective or anything. just different. this includes the way my brain and body respond to nicotine. its quite the same as others, actually, my brain just has the added bonus of bipolar and adhd. i always set these huge quit dates. like “im going to quit at 3:33 today on the dot!” and by 3:40 im smoking again. i havent quite planed on what im going do this time except for waiting longer in between .  i bought a rubiks cube, some nicorette gum, and a fidget spinner. my  therapist also suggested i learn oragami, which i realize is small feat but if i can learn to make a dog or something ill be happy.