i’m about to talk about something that most people don’t know about me. my family and a few friends know. and some folks on some message boards i am on. really it’s something i shouldn’t be ashamed of. its part of my body that is broken due to my accident. i’ll get right to it. when i fell down the escalator i fell backwards and damaged my nerves and bladder. my official diagnosis is paralyzed neurogenic bladder. my bladder fills to capacity and empties without warning. i had a test done called a urodynamics test where they filled my bladder up and there were no contractions. they filled it up with 600ccs of fluid and it did nothing. this has probably been the hardest part of this whole ordeal. but im tired of living in silence. the way i deal with it is personal. i tried self catheterization and got exremely ill. incontinence has become part of my daily life.from how i interact with others, planning outings, and the medical expense. if you have often wondered “where does his money go?” i spend about $200 in medical supplies a month. its a big chunk of my ssdi check but if i didn’t i would be a recluse. i hate my supplies because they are often seen as just for babies but i am grateful nonetheless.

take from this blog post what you will. it almost feels like a ‘coming out” for this medical condition. im tired of the shame and guilt. i just want to be honest.