these days i am in constant pain. my knee on my “good” leg has no cartilage. it is bone on bone. when i straighten it it pops causing extreme pain. just sitting here it hurts. i have been in so much pain today i have been sweating. when everyone is gone i cry. im in my wheelchair one hundred percent of the time now. don’t get me wrong i am grateful i have the green machine because it allows me to go to my medical appointments and to the park with my aide and new love interest. im afraid though that this is all too much for him. bladder problems, being an amputee, now i cant walk because of my knee. doing simple things like going to the kitchen to get a drink. or cooking dinner. it hurts so bad i cannot even explain. i may seem capable and ok but im good at masking the pain. im afraid to ask for help. my doctor tells me i need to because im further damaging my body. i could get 24 hour care if i wanted but i refuse. just getting to the door to let my aide in is so hard. i hate all of this. im in bed 95 percent of the time. im depressed.im happy to be seeing someone. more happy than i have been in a long time.but im afraid he will decide he doesnt want to be with a physically disabled person who struggles to get a drink from the kitchen. these are my fears though and the itty bitty shitty committee in my head. and i have to remember that.