since my initial accident in 2015 and especially since my amputation last june i have gained a lot of weight. not walking and not being mobile has attributed to that. i try to not put myself down but in all honesty i hate how i look. i don’t look in the mirror at all. i’ve had self esteem problems for as far as i can remember. starting with my gender identity and intersex condition. i never fully developed as a female and i certainly didn’t feel like one. i had 4 boyfriends as a youngster my first being in 7th grade. i think he counts.he was a sweet farm bow. then i dated 2 others in high school. one i lost his class ring in the lake. woops! then i dated someone for about 2-3 years. that was my longest. i can say i was in love, then was the sexual assault and since then i haven’t really dated anyone. back to the weight thing i have always been slender. until my accident.that compounded with everything else has made my self esteem plummet. im comfortable with my gender identity. i know and have known since i was 3 that i am male. but add my amputation, weight, and overall lack of self esteem and you’ve got trouble. i want a relationship i just don’t know if i have the capacity. i’ve jumped all around here and probably made no sense but its early in the morning and ill probably try to write something that is more coherent later on.